The Male Sub Creature

I often hear people indicating that they think FemDom’s have no trouble at all finding someone to play with.  I am sure that is true in some parts of the world, but in Atlantic Canada, it’s easier said than done.  My experience has been that one talks to many, many male subs while they are in the comfort of their own home.  However, when you try putting action to word, it cuts out at least 75% of that number.

Some of the reason for this, I believe, is that some of the people who message me are looking simply for ‘live porn’.  They want someone who will talk dirty online.  They want someone to feed the fantasy.  They want someone to masturbate to.  And do you know what?  I really don’t mind being masturbation material – and by now, I have plenty of practise with it….online, and while I watch in person.

Then there are the types who will only do their own specific fetish, fantasy, or role they have concocted.  They are desperate to fulfill their fantasy (rather than just constantly replaying it, as the folks mentioned above), and because there are so few who will actually cater to specific desires and needs…they often have a long search period.  They are needy, and want to make sure that you are capable.  They ask a ton of questions, often just restatements of ones already asked.  They have trouble trusting, yet have an air of desperation.  The first sign that things could go wrong, or at all off course of their ideals and they jump ship, not to be heard from again for several months, or longer.

Taking these two types out of the stock, not many remaining.  Left over are the fairly new, and the ones who are looking for something more complex than a one night meeting.  These boys have generally been in touch with Pro Dommes trying to take advantage of them.  They’ve come across the view that if you want to play with a Domme, you have to do it all their way, and what they want doesn’t matter.  There is a very harsh steroetype of male submission being akin to sissification – which is common to feel anyway given the ‘man is stronger’ mentality of the world, but is even quite strong in the BDSM culture.  Male subs have to deal with the other styles and types of male subs and really, difficultly fight against the cliche ‘male sub’.  It’s not easy to be a male sub, I’m sure.  And it’s not easy to find someone like that, either.

I’m lucky right now.  I’ve found several of the remaining.  As well, there are several fetishist that I want to help them explore their fetishes, because I have taken an interest in the actual fetish.  I want to have experiences – both fun and educational.  I want to take my role, and become expert at it.

Leave a comment


  1. david

     /  September 23, 2008

    you sound wonderful:)

  2. Patrick

     /  October 12, 2008

    Wonderful post Lady Emmalyn. I think you have capturd the male sub mentality and dilemna quite accurately. Speaking for myself, a male with submissive urges, but little real bdsm experience, I feel what you are saying. I’ve been a bit scared to reach out in the real world because of the stigma that I perceive to be associated with male subs. I find it much easier to fit in with my everyday surroundings if I am “normal.” Yet It leaves me unfulfilled. I think I have been guilty of what you’re talking about, the male subs who are looking for masturbation material, but it’s not what I want. It’s a substitute for something that I yearn for deeply. I’m getting long winded but I thought it was a great and elegant post. Thanks.

  3. ladyemmalyn

     /  October 12, 2008

    To Patrick: I’m not one to speak about getting long winded. If you care to chat more about it, leave a comment with your MSN messenger ID, I’ll keep it a private comment.

  4. Ben

     /  August 27, 2012

    Hi Lady Emmalyn
    Is it possible to ask you questions in private? i am overwhelmed by emotions and thoughts and need to talk to someone like you.


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